["demoralize the enemy from within by surprise, terror, sabotage, assassination. this is the war of the future."]
i'm in a bad mood today. i surprised myself by waking up before the sun went back down. i’m still surprising myself my being able to sit up without crying. my body is unwanted in this world. there are unseen forces doing all they can to destroy it. albert einstein said that if humans ever learned how to use their entire brains we wouldn’t need our bodies. we would just become energy. energy can’t hurt as much as this. i think i’ll wear gloves to cover these bruises. you know… since i let avril borrow all of my wrist bands. maybe i can force myself to stay awake long enough to make some new things. like a life for myself. or a boat. or a spaceship. a spaceship. my head is begging me to stop listening to disembodied. this once, i’ll give it up for some midvale. [band name dropping over here] i just spent the last forty five minutes talking to ashley on the phone. that was interesting to say the least. my hands are getting sore now. my mind is full of all these contradictions and vicious thoughts. i was asked to go to nyc this weekend. i would love to, but i have plans. plans to attend the animal liberation student association conference. plans to celebrate ashley’s eighteenth birthday party. i should make plans to get blood work and more pills. i should also re-learn how to concern myself in things i’ve lost touch with. i am finished here for now.
- posted by angela @ 3:43 PM