[i have seen an end to you and i. (when did we begin?)]
i'm not sure where to start. all i've been seeing lately are endings. i am not happier... i can't get any more sad. i can't keep meeting amazing people and then not be near them. i can't keep meeting people period. the last 21 months dropped out of my life like a brick through thin ice. all i live on is thin ice and i walk through it expecting it to support me knowing that in a second i will fall so far and not come back up. i need to pay a visit to the hemo. michael tells me he will be there for me. i don't want anyone to be part of that. i could use california as an excuse. i could use the weather as an excuse, but i would be there for other reasons.

that was the other day. today i am happier. not healthier. i am done with school. finally. done with unavoidable disappointment. for the most part. i am supposed to see my mom soon. next week. doesn't make me feel any better. [due to unavoidable disappointments] i'm planning on going to california with jacob. i'm hoping and wishing on it, but i'm really not sure. i had a really good day yesterday... well, the middle of yesterday was really nice. the rest was horrible. broken phone conversations are the worst. i should probably be in the shower. i should probably be starting my summer. i'm not going to. today is the first day in a long time where i don't have to worry about anything tomorrow... and guess what... i'm worried. i'm scared. i guess everyone feels this way sometimes. i guess i should quit whining about everything in my life. i know things will be okay eventually. fuck. i can't concentrate on this.

mark this post down as the worst in history. i'll do better next time?
- posted by angela @ 3:08 PM