[waiting for sleep in your bedroom. falling asleep in the waiting room.]
all that i feel at this moment is pain. there's an extremely unphysical aspect to it. more on the emotional side of experience. i became disgusted with nature today. i went outside to eat my dinner on the picnic table and couln't swallow my food. there were insects everywhere. it didn't seem like going inside helped much. i can feel them crawling over my shoulders and through my hair. my palms sweat. my eyes burn. i'm screaming inside for everything to stop. sound. breath. i run my tongue over my teeth, back over the roof of my mouth.. i wait for a gaping hole that is my throat, but everything so clenched. this is why breathing hurts. but internally.. every vein.. every muscle is starving... wasted away. counting on those minutes... to feel. life.. existence.. just something more than desire. fulfillment. worth. and then it all goes away. once again.. tight... grabbing every last second they can hold on to.. turning it into a million hours of pleasure.. to wait. to miss. there's got to be more to life than this.
we are more than external. every atomical structure inside of me... is yours.
- posted by angela @ 2:26 AM