[attempts at living two]
so it's been one week. weak. every second a new memory pops in my mind. like he's sitting there with me running through our old inside jokes and things we've done together. it's getting harder to keep it together. i thought it would be easier. sitting in his room on the floor a week ago trying to decide what to bury him in... [bury shaun luu.. what the fuck??] i knew a week would go by and a month.. i'm still in disbelief. my heart clenches every time i realize he is really gone. i had our pictures developed finally. we fought over who got the camera. he won in the end. then he gave it to me.
the end..
the last time we talked i asked him what he was thinking about lately. he said, "what is the end?... like THE end?..." i asked him what he thought. and he said that all he knew was what was before the end. and that through all the pain and suffering there was beauty. he wanted to show me the beauty. for the rest of my life i will question the true end... and search for the beauty.
- posted by angela @ 3:23 PM