[i'm sorry i didn't sound more excited on the phone. i'm sorry that after all these years i've left you feeling unrequited and alone. brought you to tears. i guess i never loved you quite as well as the way you loved me. i guess i'll never really be able to tell you how sorry i am
and i don't know what it is about you. i just know it's not what it was. i don't know why red fades before blue, it just does. and i don't know what it is about me, that i just can't keep still. i keep thinking someday i will make this all up to you and maybe someday i will]
there is someone now. he does this thing when we wake up /it's great\ he pulls me closer and looks and kisses me. the great thing is that he doesn't stop. even when i want him to. which is rare. /i should stop dreaming\ there is no one that can fill your shoes and because of this i will never allow another to love me. i will never allow myself to love another. i am okay with this. /too much is how i love you, but too well is how i know you and i've got nothing to prove this time just something to show you. i guess i just wanted you to see that it was all worth it to me\ things burn and things crumble and i will always be the one behind it all holding the matches/holding the hammer. something you should've gotten used to by now. why did it take you so long to gather my things? were they really where i had left them? is anything where i had left it? if i walked back into your life can we pick up where i had left it? you can't really believe that i'm happy now, can you? i've got so many more questions that you'll never answer. who was she? do you spend hours on the phone with her like you did with me? does she beg you to come see her? does she know about me? do you tell her that i'm a terrible person?
i'm over it. not completely. i'm working on it. i don't want to, but i am
i don't bleed anymore. stopped twice because of you. thanks.
more needs to end.

- posted by angela @ 3:34 PM