[eight two two]
the time. it comes and goes. like sleep. life is so much more quiet now that i sleep during the day. even when there are ten people in the same room... i can hear the silence. when i watch a movie or hear a song. silence. i relate time to white noise on a television. the image is damaged... it's scrambled. the sound is constant. and annoying. time is constant. and annoying, but if you just turn down the volume the image gets more interesting. you can stare into it for hours. you can make things appear. the majority of my time is spent with the volume down. and there is always silence. life is silence. conversation is debris. entertainment is debris. happiness is debris. sadness is debris. i'm glad i finally learned how to shut everything up. i just took a shower. i sat there in the bathtub. holding my knees. resting my head in my arms. it felt great. i want to stay alive to be able to feel things like that. wet heat... falling all around me. steam rising off my skin. my eyelashes catching little drops of water. debris... from hours of being a social being draining down the pipes. i've been spending a lot of time alone lately. trying to get to know me. trying to dodge mirrors and sunlight. my roomates asked me what i do all night instead of sleep. i sit. i let my mind follow through paths of my past... watching the good memories... dwelling on the bad ones. i just sit and think. i think i'll take another shower.
- posted by angela @ 8:22 AM