[when the fox hears the rabbit he comes running, but not to help]
i'll walk with you through space and time.
and when sleep is near i will fold you in.
i'll disappear with you in clear blue flames.
and when our time arrives we will slide through space.


i've been less excited about weekends.
we'll have to see how this one turns out.
reflections have turned into "what a hot mess."
this is how it goes:
most of the week i don't sleep.
then one day, each week...
sleep finally comes.
just for one day. usually an evening.
on the days that my body decides to fall down and die i actually dream.
but this isn't good news.
these dreams are not fantasies. they are reality dreams.
nothing out of the ordinary.
so realistic, though, that i don't know that i'm dreaming.
so realistic, in fact, that it's more intense than reality.
like so many times in my life, these dreams are so ordinary and random that...
i'm expecting everything to go wrong.
and sure enough everything does go wrong at some point in these dreams.
but so realistically wrong that while i am sleeping, i am dying.
i choke. i cannot breathe. and i cannot EVER wake myself up.
it takes hours sometimes to wake myself up from these dreams.
hours.
the whole time i'm telling myself over and over again that it is a dream.
and that i will wake up.
slowly creeping towards death the WHOLE time.
in whatever stupidly boring ways my mind can come up with to die.
a terrific wreck. over and over again.
drowning. over and over again.
choking. over.
over.
and when i finally wake myself up i always come to the same conclusion.
i was never sleeping at all.

so since i don't sleep, i type.
i type at work all day, but it has become more bearable these past few weeks.
playlist- swans, lou reed, julian cope, xiu xiu, beefheart and some bathory.
guess i have a thing for miserable old men.
- posted by angela @ 11:31 PM