[back and forth]

mr. inconsistency, tonight, finds me reaching for a forgotten pillow…
among meager attempts to convince myself: it was real
and another ashtray full of half-smoked cigarettes,
wasted on half-hopes for any reaction…
and reaching for another half-empty bottle.
familiarity is paradox.
carry on this disgraceful routine or….
reclaim every word i didn’t mean to say; disappear
isn’t that “the disgraceful routine”?
wasn’t that the appeal?
getting warmer…
remembering the moment it was wanted,
yet closing another tragically typical evening with the feeble:
“you should probably leave.”
didn’t mean to or…
admit: it was real
the whole dilemma of:
want vs. need
all efforts put into escaping reality equals a thousand lost memories…
a few significant mornings
that sometimes outweigh every apology i must give
in regards to the previous night…
sometimes.
waaarmer..
all efforts put into solitary contentment [stability… fuck] equals solitary confinement
a few significant all-day thinking sprees about my ocean
that sometimes outweigh the need
to be even remotely functioning in society…
sometimes.
mr. inconsistency…
tell me what you need
so we can both be free.
because:
“i should probably leave.”
you’re hot… you’re burning.
maintain my stride
back and forth
through this fire…
admit:
“want him there when it gets cold.”
retract:
“always gets cold.”
revise:
“nothing survives.”
conclude:
not without this answer:
“really think you can keep me warm?”
technically, there are places
where the ocean is warmer
during the winter months…
over analytical, over tired and over it...

again.

…
keep me where i belong
all wrapped up in wrong
you’re all to blame
wasted words of sad refrain
let them take me where they may…
believe me when i say:
i will be your accident…
if you will be my ambulance…
and i will be your screeching crash…
if you will be my crutch and cast…
and i will be your one more time…
if you will be my one last chance…
fall for me

- posted by angela @ 5:01 AM